Nasa Trinoma ako kanina lang with some friends at bumili kami ng mga regalo. Since kuripot naman ako, hindi ko na bibigyan lahat ng mga kaibigan ko ng regalo. Bumili na lang ako ng para sa akin. Pero kahit na ganun pa, hindi ko pa rin ramdam na malapit na ang Pasko.

Dahil ba mainit? Dahil ba busy sa school lately? Dahil ba magulo ang unli at hindi makatext ang mga dapat at dating nakakaalala sa akin? Tumatanda na ba ako at totoong 'Christmas is for children'? Dahil ba wala akong inaaalalang special someone? Hindi ko alam. Basta ang alam ko dapat nagreredy na akong magsaya... dahil Pasko na!

Hindi rin pala ako excited umuwi sa Tugue ngayon. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit. Hindi naman ganito last year. Dati sobrang after the test e gusto ko nang umalis sa magulong lugar na ito. Baka nasasanay na ako sa ganitong magulong lugar. Wala na ring nagtatanong ngayon kung uuwi na ako. Kasi dati, sandamakmak na tao ang nagtatanong kung uuwi ba ako, ngayon, nanay ko pa lang ang nagtatanong. Siguro sanay na rin sila na wala ako at sanay na rin sila na hindi ako nagpaparamdam masyado kapag nandito na ako sa Manila. Feeling ko nga ang sama sama ko na sa kanila. Pero busy kasi talaga sa school at talagang nagtetext na lang ako kapag may sasabihin ako. Hindi na ako nagtetext ng quotes o kahit goodmorning man lang sa kahit na sino. At kuntento naman ako sa ganun kahit na parang minsan nakakaguilty.

Pero balik sa papalapit na Pasko, sana may snow din dito sa Pilipinas... kahit na minsan lang. Mainit dito sa Manila, ang masaya, sabi malamig daw sa Tugue. Hindi man nagssnow pero at least lumalamig din dun pag mga ganitong season. Kahit na pinakamainit na lugar sa Pilipinas ang pinanggalingan ko, malamig naman dun minsan at madalas pag gabi. Haaaaaaaaayy... ngayong ko lang namiss ang Tugue... salamat sa pagbblog ko. Hehe.

Nagtext si mama kaninang hapon. Sabi niya, magmemedical mission daw kami sa hometown niya sa 22. Ako daw taga-vital signs niya. Ang kaso, sa 22 ng gabi pa ako uuwi dahil baka pumunta kami ng Tagaytay bukas (kung matutuloy). Nakakalungkot naman. Feeling ko, naexcite pa man din si mama na makasama ako sa med mission niya. Yearly kasi niya ginagawa yun, at last year sumama ako kahit na tagadispense lang ako ng meds. E ngayon, since feeling ko bihasa naman na ako sa vital signs e hindi naman na ako makakapunta. Haaaaaaaaaaay. Nakapagreserve na ng tickets yung ate ko pauwi. Bukas na siya uuwi. Ako, sasabay sa kuya ko sa 22. Makakauwi ako ng 23. Haaaaaaaaaaay... asan na ang dating Pasko? Gusto kong maging bata ulit ngayong Pasko lang... kahit ngayong year lang.

Malungkot ako ngayon dahil hindi ko ramdam ang pasko. May mga regalo na akong natanggap. May mga party na rin akong napuntahan. Pero wala pa rin talaga.

Kahapon, Paskuhan sa UST. Kasama ko ang mga kaibigan ko na pumunta. Pabidahan sa porma kahapon. Pero kami, nakauniform with matching nameplate pa. Hindi na kasi makakabalik yung isang kaibigan ko kung sakaling umuwi pa siya, kaya sinamahan na namin siyang maguniform. Last year, nakauniform nanaman kami ng tropa ko. At baka i-yearly ko na ang pag-uuniform sa Paskuhan. Ok lang yung paskuhan. ok lang, yun ang masasabi ko. Mas nag-enjoy ata ako last year. Parang pareho lang naman yung mga kasama ko, may mga nabawas at nadagdag pero parang mas masaya yung last year. Hindi lang naman ako ang nakapansin, halos lahat naman kami, parepareho ng comment. After Paskuhan, inuman naman kasama ang iba ko pang mga kaibigan. Chill lang.

May Santa ba? Kung meron, gusto ko sana ng masayang Pasko ulit. Kahit yung lang ang regalo ko ok na. Please. Kahit yun lang. Santa, kung may internet ka, pakibasa blog ko at tuparin ang wish ko. Comment ka na rin kung nabasa mo 'to. (Walang magjojowk a, gusto ko yung tunay na Santa ang magcocomment. hehe).

One question Santa, do you understand Tagalog? May Pilipino ka rin bang elf (two questions pala)? Sana meron para naman hindi lang si Manny Pacquiao ang Pilipino sa mundo. Hehe.

Nag-assist ako sa delivery ng baby kahapon. Grabe!! Sobrang waaaaaaaa. Lalong lalo na ang episiotomy (ang paggupit nung "ano" ng nanay para magkasya ang baby sa "ano" niya). Pero nakakatuwa nga kapag nakita mong nakalabas na yung baby. Para nga akong supportive na tatay dun e. Nagdadasal na sana ok lang yung baby. Ampangit naman kasi ng feeling kung yung unang baby na inasisstan kong ianak, e may mangyari pang masama.

Buong shift kahapon, may ginagawa ako. Nakatayo ako ng halos anim na oras. Well, mas ok na yun kasi may case ako at experience. Yung ibang groupmates ko kasi na naghihintay na ma-deck, walang magawa kahapon at inis na inis sila sa sobrang ka-boringan sa nurses' room. Pero sobrang nakakapagod at sobrang ambaho ko na ata after... amoy lochia. Haha. 

Pero after na hirap... saya naman. Nagkunwariang Christmas Party ang RLE group namin sa Tokyo Tokyo after duty. Sobrang sarap at sobrang busog. Sobrang saya rin. Hindi na nga namin namalayan na 4:00 na pala agad. Ambilis talaga ng oras ngayon.

Kagabi, dumating yung pinsan ko at asawa niya. Nag-barbeque party dito sa apartment. Kwentuhan, inom, kain... tapos nakatulog din ako ng maaga kagabi. Sobrang toxic kasi sa ospital. Zzzzzzzzzz...

Exams pa bukas. Haaaaaay.

Hindi ko na masyado pahahabain ang post na ito dahil mag-aaral pa ako. Wow. Patayan nanaman bukas sa school. Ang lakas pa ng loob namin magvideoke kanina. Haha. Baka bugnot nanaman ako bukas dahil sa puyat. Waaaaaaaaaaaa. Puyat nanaman ako. Haha. But I am not regretting it. Good luck na lang sa akin sa quizes bukas.

At para magmuka naman mahaba ang post na ito, ilalagay ko na rin ang lyrics ng aking score-100 na kanta. Haha. 'Heaven Knows' by Orange and Lemons. Palakpakan naman jan. :D

There are times
When i'm lyin' in my bed
How i bellow and cry from this stupid get
And my eyes are like windshields on a rainy day
Almost rubbed-out, swelling
As i keep on
Diggin' my face
In these cold hands of mine
Heaven knows how embittered i am

'Cause this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped her wings
And made her mine
For all eternity
Now this angel has flown away from me
I thought i had the strength to set her free
I did what i did
Because i love her so
Will she ever find her way
Back home to me

I'm so tired
I feel like catching forty-winks
Being up all night in this elbow-room
That puts me in a trance

Where hopes and dreams come true
Now my lips are burning
And my eyes are hurting
From these fumes i make
Still i light another cigarette
Just to pass my time
Oh, heaven knows how embittered i am

'Cause this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped her wings
And made her mine
For all eternity
Now this angel has flown away from me
I thought i had the strength to set her free
I did what i did
Because i love her so
Will she ever find her way
Back home to me..

So how is it realted to coping up? I just noticed that I have been drinking a lot lately. I am going out almost every night even if there is classes the next day. I am going home late for days now, and I mean really really late. Last last week, I went home four in the morning coming from a Birthday Party (drinking session) and had to attend PE CLass the next same day.

I was just wondering if my drinking and my going home late are my coping mechanisms. Because if so, I think they are doing me well. I was in a really really bad condition for three weeks after my girlfriend broke up with me. And now, well I can say that I am now fine; although I am not at my 100%, I guess I can say I am at about 89% my happy state. Maybe my mind, body, and heart just got used to be being with someone constantly.

Once, I have said to my self that I will never ever get drunk in my whole life. I guess, I was too idealistic those days. Last friday night, I saw myself throwing up my guts out in the restaurant's restroom. I was surprised because I am not used to getting drunk that easily. Now, I have to remember that I have to control my drinking.

Many of my friends think that I still haven't moved on. They are calling me rebelde and martyr. But I know and I am certainly super sure that I already moved on. So I ask myself, why am I drinking? Social reasons? Yes, I guess it is for social reasons.

I am now at my friendliest. About two weeks ago, I just decided that I want to be friends with as many people as possible. I am going out every night with different groups of people, some old friends, some classmates, and some new friends. I have no enemies today. And it makes me feel good, as if I have no any bother or problem.

It is also easier to talk with anybody now. Last Friday, I don't know if I was just drunk but I saw myself talking to a girl classmate who I really never talked to before. And I was surprised to be talking about my ex... the last topic I want to about, especially to someone I don't personally know. Was it because of alcohol? I don't know. But one thing is for sure, I am single again and as Diego would say it, "ready to mingle". I am free. I can talk to anyone with no any guilt feelings.

Now, I am back to being happy-go-lucky, not thinking too much and not trying to do everything. I now just living life again... just like before. No so much thoughts, no so much pains. More fun and guess what, it is easy to sleep again.

Alcohol did me well when I was depressed. It numbed my bleeding heart. But now that the bleeding has already stoped, I guess I have to say goodbye to alcohol now. Or maybe I just have to limit my drinking. So I am saying to myself again... "I will never be drunk... again."

I am just feeling guilty. When I got home last Friday, and it was about 1:00, my mother asked me to call home. So, I did. "Ambata bata mo pa! Kawawa ang liver mo! Bakit mo ba ginagawa yan?" And I heard her sermons again, which I actually missed. So, for the sake of my mother and for also for myself, I will limit my drinking... one bottle per session. Hehe.

At least, I still don't smoke. Although in one of my barkadas everyone is smoking, they can never influence me. And I have a friend who has some family problems, and he started to smoke. One time, he went with us in going home and I was surprised when he bought a stick when we got out of the school gate. I was surprised because I know that he does not smoke. He said, it was just his fourth. And I think I know what his reason is. But I told him to stop. I know I was not in the position to stop him but I would feel guilty if I did nothing. What is my right to call him rebelde and martyr? Well I guess he had stoped now and I am proud to say that it was because of me. I still can't see the good side of smoking. Social reasons? Maybe. Some even say that cigarettes is a good friend. Well, I think I would rather have people friends than cigarette.

And just to clear things up, I am doing well in school even if I go home very late at night. I still read my lessons and do my assignments. And I am actually surprized because I am having high scores in quizes and exams.Luck? Haha. I guess it is luck... because I now that I am happy. Happy-go-lucky? Non-sense. Haha.

I came to know that we have different ways on coping. My way of coping has been effective for me. But know that I have already coped up, I guess it is time for me to be back to normal.

I am just proud that I did not try to hurt myself when I was depressed. Hindi pa rin ako suicidal. May moral pa ring natitira sa akin. :D

It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do more than take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is something more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses  in the body. Love is something more than the sum of interests, attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life- the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and will take hold of it and celebrate it in all its inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.

When this happens to young people they often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift given freely and a gift that just freely moves away. When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers when there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong with them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that if they start something new together, their love will grow.

They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself and until they accept its mysterious ways they live in a sea of misery.

You need to know this about love, and accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you someone else in love with you and you don't love him or her, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift that you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how love will deal with yo, and all our hearst feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another and he or she falls in love with you, and then chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess the blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know it in time but time itself will choose the moment.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you.

All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who seem poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in any way you can.

This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They cease to be the someone who generates love instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it your heart. Love has its own time, its own reason, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe or coerce it or reason it into saying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave, from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and nothing you should do. Love alwaya has been and alwaya will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life. If you keep your heart open, it will come again.

(From the book "Letters I Wrote to My Son". Binigay ni Ma'am Gae, Clinical Instructor kong emo tulad ng RLE Group namin. Haha. Habang papunta kami ng Tondo Medical Center, tumutugtog ang "Art of Letting Go" sa radyo ng sasakyan, biglang nag-open ng topic si Ma'am tungkol sa love. Haha. At sinabi nga niyang bibigyan niya kami ng copy nitong Literary Piece na ito. At ipopost ko na rin siya kasi natutuwa ako.)

Isa lang ang masasabi ko. I love the feeling of being in love.

We were supposed to meet at 10:30 AM. Nagising ako, halos 10:00 na. Natulog ako ng 2:00 ng madaling araw before nun kaya medyo parang masama pa ang pakiramdam ko. Ilang araw na rin kasi ako nagpupupuyat. At nagpupuyat nanaman ako ngayon. Anyway, back to the kwento, Ako na lang ang hinihintay nila nang makarating ako sa meeting place. Naglakad ako from Espanya hanggang Dapitan at pagdating ko, paalis na rin sila. Sakto, roundtrip, Dapitan to Espanya naman. Haaaaaaaaaay. Lalo tuloy sumama ang pakiramdam ko. Buti na lang binigyan ako ng Reese's, natuwa ako, parang bata lang. Haha. Feeling ko masisira ang araw ko.

Nag-jeep kami hanggang LRT sa Q ave. Natuwa na lang ako kasi parang nag-fifield trip lang kami. Haha. Nagulat din ako kasi first time mag-LRT ng isang groupmate ko. Haha. Hindi po siya probinsyana, hatid sundo siya lagi at malapit lang ang bahay nila sa school kaya hindi siya nagcocommute. Haha. Once pa nga lang daw siya nag-jeep mag-isa e. Haha. At from UST to San Lazaro pa. Haha. Siya lang ang taga-Metro Manila sa group namin na kasama kanina. At siya pa ang first timer. Haha.

Dumating kami sa PLDT nang 12:30. At dahil, mataas na tao ang nanay ng groupmate namin, madali lang naming namanipula ang sekyu. Haha.

Dun na rin kami naglunch sa canteen nila para naman masubukan namin ang pagkain nila at makapagreact na rin. Haha. Hindi ko maalala yung name nung food na kinain namin basta pork siya na may kasamang maraming onion rings. At competitive ang pagkain, masarap at mura pa. Naisip nga namin sana sila na rin ang canteen namin sa school kasi yung cafeteria sa school, masarap nga... mahal naman... sobrang mahal. Pati yung koreana kong RLEmate namahalan. Haha.

After lunch, sinimulan na namin ang interview. Labas nila lahat ng camera nila. Haha. Para kaming professional media. Haha. Tatlo tatlo ang camerang kumukuha ng pics at videos. Haha. Yung iniinterview namin nagmumuka ng celebrity sa dami ng cam na nakatutok sa kanya. Haha. Actually, kamuka nga niya si Lotlot de Leon e, plus 20 more years siguro. Haha. Pero para makabawi naman kay Ate Joey (yung ininterview namin), mabait siya at very hospitable, at magaling magluto, at mag-cashier kung kinakailangan daw.

Tinour niya kami sa kanilang napakagandang kitchen. Seryosohan sa kitchen, linis linis. Parang yun ang pinakamalinis na kitchen ng canteen na nakita ko... kasi yun pa lang ata ang kitchen ng canteen na nakita ko. Haha. Cameraman ako kanina. At habang iniinterview nila si Ate Joey, ako, kasama ang ibang RLEmates ko, naman ay nag-interview rin ng iba pang members ng kitcheners. Haha. Nainterview naman namin si Kuya Juancho ata pangalan. Haha. Hindi ko sure kung yun nga ang pangalan niya. At nasabi niyang pork barbeque daw ang favorite niyang lutuin. Wala lang, nasabi niya lang. Haha. Naintervie din namin ang best baker nila habang gumagawa siya ng Banana Cupcake. Dati raw, dishwasher lang daw siya. Pero after five years, napromote siya at naging baker. Dun ko nalaman na kapag may sipag talga, may nilaga. At six years na siyang baker. So all in all, 11 years na siyang nagtatrabaho dun. Wow. Nilagang nila na siya. Haha.

Pero ang pinakaenjoy talaga ay ang after the interview. May free Cupcakes pa kami. Puro video at picture taking ang RLE Group namin. Ngayon, super appreciate ko na ang group namin. Kahit na sobrang sipag at talino nung iba, ok na sa akin. Minsan nga nihihiya na rin ako kapag feeling ko wala na akong naitutulong. Kaya as much as possible, nakikilevel na rin ako sa kanila. Mukang nakakabuti naman sa akin. Haha. Sobrang napakasaya nung kanina. Laugh trip buong araw. Lumalabas na ang funny sides ng lahat ng groupmates ko. Nakakaimpluwensya na rin ako. Haha. (I'll be posting some pics and videos pag napost na sa multiply)

Hinatid na kami sa UST pauwi. At tuloy pa rin ang picture taking sa mga bagong lagay na christmas lights sa school. Tuloy nanaman ang ligaya. Natatawa pa ako dahil yung isa kong groupmate, pag nagpipic, laging right side ang nakaproject. Automatic na daw. Haha. Pinasubok namin kung kaya niya magpose na left side naman ang nakaproject... hindi niya kaya. Haha. Papractisin niya daw. Haha.

Dumerecho kami sa Dapitan after, para magdinner. Kwento kwento sa mga nangyari kanina. Pagkatapos, uwian na.

At may mga nalaman ako ngayong araw na 'to:

• Masarap ang libreng cupcake.
• Madaling pakisamahan ang mga masayahing tao.
• Wag tignan ng mababa ang ibang tao kahit na anong estado niya sa buhay.
• Mahirap kapag siksikan sa LRT at first time ng katabi mo habang nakatayo kayo.
• Lahat ng tao ay may good at bad sides.
• At, maraming bagay ang pwedeng magpasaya sa tao... basta gustong sumaya nung tao.

:D

Pagod na ako sa pagiging emo. Pero gusto ko pa rin ng emo songs a. Kahit pa sabihin niyong emo sucks, e ano ngayon. Makinig kayo ng sarili niyong tugtog. Haha.

MAAGA AKONG PUMASOK KANINANG UMAGA!! Haha. Since start ng sem, ngayon lang uli ako pumasok ng maaga. Malakas kasi ang feeling ko na magiging mabuti ang araw na ito. Tama naman ang feeling ko. Haha. Ok, kahit medyo mababa ako kanina sa quiz namin sa Physics, ok lang ako. Pasado pa rin. Hindi ko naman ine-aim na maperfect e, ok na ako sa pasado lang. Pero syempre, mas masaya kung mataas ka. Nagulat lang ako kaninang ibinalik ang aming quiz paper sa OB. OMG. 14 over 15 ako. Haha. Ang yabang ng putek. Well, that made my day kasi akala ko 10 lang ako sa quiz na yun. Mataas na rin ako sa quiz kanina sa Pedia. Hindi kasing taas ng mga katabi ko pero mataas na rin. Paano ba naman kasi, naka-duty kami sa Nursery, siyempre dapat mataas ang RLE group ko dun. Haha.

Madalas na lang ako biglang napapangiti kanina. Hindi ko alam kung nababaliw na ako. May mga naiisip lang kasi ako na nakakatuwa. At hindi mabasa ng mga kaibigan ko kung ano ang iniisip ko. Haha. Lalo na lang tuloy ako natutuwa… dahil takang taka sila kung bakit ako masaya. Bakit nga ba? Basta… akin na lang yun.

Nagbigayan rin pala kami ng regalo kanina para sa Chris-Cringgle (tama ba spelling?) namin ng mga kaibigan ko. Something soft daw dapat. Ibinigay ko ang unan na may nakasulat, "Isipin mo na lang cute ka". Haha. Tatlo kasi yung unan na yun. Ibinigay ko yung dalawa sa dalawang kaibigan ko pang kasama kong bumili nung regalo kahapon sa San La. Yung una, ang nakasulat "God is always with you". Tapos yung pangalawa, "Smile always". E naisip ko naman na nakakahiya naman sa nabunot ko dahil parang napaka-usual lang nung mga messages… kaya ang binigay ko e yung, "Isipin mo na lang cute ka." Medyo naiinis ata sa akin pero ok lang ata. Haha. Ata. Ginamit niya rin naman agad kanina e. At ang natanggap ko… Gummy Worms at ballpen slash keychain. Haha. Hindi ko alam kung bakit yung ballpen nasama dun… hindi naman siya soft. Haha. At sandamakmak na cotton pa pala. haha. Para masabi lang na soft din. Haha. Yung ex ko pa ang nagbigay… ang awkward pero ok lang din. Hindi na rin ako affected. Haha.

Ok. Masaya na ulit ako. Aaminin ko na… masaya ako dahil iniisip ko na lang ang mga naging masasayang araw namin. Napanaginipan ko siya kagabi. Kaya may ngiti sa aking mukha kaninang paggising ko. Napapangiti na lang ako kapag nakikita ko siya kanina. Haha. Hindi na ako kinikilig… hindi na rin ako galit. Masaya na lang ako sa lahat ng naexperience ko kasama siya. Aaminin ko na rin… yung two months na yun ang naging pinakamasasayang araw ng buhay ko… yet. Yet kasi alam kong marami pa akong pagdadaanan. Tulad nga ng sinabi ng daddy ko bago siya umuwi ulit sa Tugue, "Bata ka pa. Marami ka pang pagdadaanan."

Binabawi ko na ang mga masasamang mga sinabi ko noong brinake mo ako. Pasensya na… masyado lang akong nasaktan. Titigil na ako sa kakaasa. Sabi nga ng isang kaibigan ko, "Stop living in the past." Tulad ko, bagong break lang din sila ng girlfriend niya. One year and four months sila. Pero siya… kayang kaya niya. So napaisip ako… asan na ang dating ako? Did love really made me weak? So, positive outlook na ako ulit. Past is past. Ex is ex. Well, hindi na ako nahihirapan gamitin ang term na yun. Haha. Ex-lubby dubb. Haha. Ex-bibe ko.

Mamimiss ko ang iyong mga yakap at halik. Haha. Yuck ba? Ang iyong halimuyak. Haha. Ang iyong mga "I love you forever". Siyet. Haha.Alam mo namang minahal kita. Alam na alam mo yun. Haha.

Lubby Dubb, it was hard for me to let go. I never thought this would happen. I really believed in forever. Thank you for everything we have been through. Thank you for each moment that I have been with you. Now I know, love is just not enough. I am not and will never be enough for you. You were a dream and at least for two months, my dream came true. Two months of everything I have been looking for. Thank you for you. Thank you for the love. I will be missing us. Although I will see you everyday for years to come, I will always be happy that once in my life, we became a reality. I am not regretting that you were my first. I will always remember Tarlac and Fontana. I will remember our Lubb Dubb moments. I will remember "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" and "Gising Na". I will remember your first hug. I will remember our first date and the way looked that day. I will remember August 26. I will remember "A Love Story". I will remember our first kiss, my first kiss. I will remember your first I Love You. I will rember the thrills. I will remember our secrets. I will remember our bus ride from Laguna. I will remember the feeling holding your hands. I will remember Bloody Red. I will remember your love letters. I will remember the smell of your sampaguita perfume and moisturizer. I will remember Lucky. I will remember UST Hospital. I will remember your home. I will remember SM North EDSA and Cinema 12. I will remember our taxi ride from PBB. I will remember our lunches together. I will remember how we share your IPod. I will remeber our catwalk moments. I will remember your surprises. I will remember your laugh. I will remember your smile. I will remember the way you look at me. I will remember your eyes. I will remember being a bibe. I will remember our dreams. I will remember our plans. I will remember how our last kiss felt. I will remember how we loved each other. I will remember you. I will remember us. I will treasure it. Keep it all safe in my heart. Because I know, one day, my mind will no longer remember us, but my heart will. My heart will never forget. I loved you more than I loved anyone else, even myself. All I want to do, is to hold you forever, forever and ever.

-Bibe mo

Today was supposed to be our hundred days. Happy… I am now happy.

• Pabida si Trillanes. Feeling Andres Bonifacio. Kasi Bonifacio Day ngayon. Tama bang magsisigaw ng "Sumama na kayo sa amin" sa gitna ng daan para manghikayat ng mga tao. Sinong mga bobo naman ang sasama sa ganun. Pabida. Hindi rin naman pala kayang tapusin. Pwet.
• Walang kwenta ang AFP. Para saan ang tangke sa loob ng hotel. Tatangkehin ba nila si Pabidang Trillanes? Panindak lang? Para saan ang tear gas sa loob ng isang napaka luwang na area. Pati nga media hindi nila napalabas e. Walang kwenta talaga.
• Pagulo ang media. Kudeta ba yung kahapon? Kung oo, kudeta ba yun ng mga media? Asus, puro media lang ang nakita ko sa TV e. Parang 1:10 ata ang ratio ng sundalo at media. Masabi lang nila na matapang sila, hindi sila umalis. Asus, tapos sasabihin ni Pabidang Trillanes na media ang dahilan kaya sila sumuko. Pwet. Pabida talaga. Pati media, pabida, haharang harang. Pano kung nabaril sila? Sisihin nanaman nila ang gobyerno nanaman? PABIDA!!!
• Anong Martial Law nanaman yan? Anong curfew curfew? Pausong Gloria yan. Hindi pwedeng magkamartial Law. Paano na lang ang mga taong sa gabi nabubuhay? Paano ang mga may night life, may night duty, mga security guard, mga p*ta at bugaw, mga tindero ng balot, mga lasinggero? Paano nalang?
• Ano nang susunod? Kelangan pa bang makialam? Ano bang magagawa ko? Sana matuloy yung debut na pupuntahan ko mamaya sa Makati. Amp. Yun lang naman talaga ang pakialam ko e. Walang kwentang citizen talaga ako.

     Nahihilo sa sobrang daming iniisip...

          Pero teka, e bakit parang literal na gumagalaw ang paligid?

               Wow... Lumilindol nga.

                    "Ui, lumilindol!! Lumilindol!!"

                         "Hindi naman e... Ai, lumilindol nga!!"

Ok. First experience nanaman. First time kong makaranas ng lindol sa school. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin... at wala rin naman talagang akong pakialam kanina. Haha. Nagkapakialam lang ako nung sinabi nga nilang lumilindol nga talaga. Malakas din yun a. Kahit papano natakot din ako... na mahulog sa inuupuan ko. Hindi naman siguro lindol ang dahilan ng pagkamatay ko. Sana. Haha.

"All students vacate the building."

(with matching megaphone pa)

"All students vacate the building."

Pinapalabas kami ng building habang kami'y nagququiz sa OB. At ang prof ko, si Famadico, cool na cool lang, "Ten minutes lang yang test na yan. Saka hindi naman tayo pwedeng makipagsiksikan sa pagbaba."

??? Teka... pano pagnag-aftershock nga? Haha. Ayoko namang mamatay ng nagtetest. Haha. Parang napakawalangkwentang dahilan naman na pagkamatay yun. Haha. Nagsisigawan na ang mga tao sa labas. Kami nagtetest pa rin.

Kung sakaling lumindol nga ulit at sa kasamaang palad ay kami'y nasawi, pano kaya nila sasabihin sa mga magulang namin ang dahilan ng pagkamatay namin? Haha. "Pagpasensyahan niyo na po, mas pinili ng anak niyo ang pag-aaral" ?? Haha. Kung hindi lang si Famadico ang prof baka lumabas na lang ako dun. Haha.

Lumabas din kami after ng test. Daming tao sa labas ng building. Akala namin wala ng pasok. "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!! Wala ng Pedia!! Weeeeeee!!" Ginusto namin mag-Dota, kaso puno lahat. Kaya nagdecide na lang kaming tumambay sa Dapitan. Gusto ko na sanang umuwi... tapos may nagtext. "Balik na ulit, tuloy ang klase."

Ako'y pinaasa ng lindol na lumipas...

     Akala ko'y saya ang kanyang idudulot...

          Akala ko lang pala...

               Gusto ko pa ng lindol...

                    Lindol pa please.

At bumalik nga kami sa building. Malungkot. Nagsisibalikan ulit ang mga estudyante. Buti pa sila, nagsisibalikan.

 I never was and will again  

All the tears i've held inside  

why it had to be this long   

and i have failed to see   

i would've wanted you gone  ah.. 

but it's just too soon  

all the times i kept you outside  

why you had to be so strong   

and i have failed to see  

these dreams they haunt me back   

praise fate  im coming home... 

(Take No by Hale)